The audio quality on this is pretty low, but the opening banter makes it totally worthwhile.
I wonder if you guys saw this commercial that they used to play when I lived up in Iowa. I didn’t see it anywhere else, I don’t know if it was nation wide, or what, but…
*Some drunk guys from Iowa start yelling “IOWA” really loud*
Oh hush now, nobody gives a shit. Where you are is artificial. It’s just a place you live, okay.
Really now, it’s a continuous landmass. The lines are just things on maps.
So, but, um, they use to have this commercial they would show that was like, you know… *chuckles* it was the best thing.
I hope you saw it! But I don’t know if it was maybe a Iowa and Minnesota get-people-to-go-to-the-lakes thing— though I assume you have lakes down here also.
But it was a kid’s voice— oh, this is going to be a long story, hold on— It was a kid’s voice and reminded me of one of the best songs of the 80s, that great decade the 80s that brought us such great music as “Dear Mister Jesus.” Did you ever hear “Dear Mister Jesus?” It was a song sung by a five-year-old, and it was that sort-of Cristian pornography, that like, you go, “Oh, the kid said Jesus. What could be better?”
And if you are like a guy who is going to Mega Death shows in Long Beach in his spare time, you look at “Dear Mister Jesus” with wonder and reverence and go “Aw, this is the best time to be alive!” because “Dear Mister Jesus,” right?
But it was clear that they had asked the kid to talk dumber then she actually was and she sings like: "Dear Mister Jesus, I don’t know what to do" and it was like that, right?
So this commercial I’m thinking of that ran in Iowa, was the “Dear Mister Jesus” voice, but the kid was asking his father to take him fishing. This is the sort-of thing that weighs very heavily on Midwestern Dads, I think. If you are a kid listening to this, and you want to just rip out your Midwestern father’s heart, then I suspect asking him to take you fishing on a day he can’t do it is a good way to do that.
But the commercial went:
"Take me fishing, because I won’t be nine forever!"
"Take me fishing, because there’s only one sunset a day!"
And I would watch this video and go “Oh man, Dear Mister Jesus has gone fishing, this is cool!” Right?
I want you to bear those noble sentiments in mind as I play an unreleased song from Tallahassee about the day the guy gets drunk and goes fishing.
It’s called Alpha Chum Gatherer